Esteem Self Low? - Here's how to raise it!

Is your esteem self low? Personal crisis can make us go from having what we perceive to be a very healthy esteem self - low self esteem.

Each and every one of us experience fluctuations in our self esteem due to changing situations or circumstances. For many of us, such shifts are just temporary blips, since our strong or healthy sense of self is usually sufficient resource with which to ride the storm, overcome personal setbacks and keep us on track.

When low esteem self and low self confidence is, or has been a long standing issue however, some women might experience a crisis so profound, that their ability to manage their state adequately and make the shift back from low esteem self/low confidence to high esteem, becomes a very difficult process.

If you identify with this, it's more than likely that the present crisis or situation is a culmination of previous unresolved issues which you might either have avoided out of fear, or left unresolved.

This avoidance can and will impact significantly on your ability to deal appropriately with any future crisis that might arise. While you might not necessarily have a conscious awareness as to the unhealthy state of your esteem self/low self confidence, you may well be aware that all is not as it should be.

A typical response to an enquiry about yourself might be 'I don't know what's wrong with me' or 'I just can't seem to do anything right'.

esteem self/low self confidence

One of the simplist ways to assess whether you've moved from a healthy esteem self to low self esteem, is to question how and what you're currently experiencing.

For example, have you attempted to set a goal, only to find your motivation just slips away or that you simply gave up before you'd even started?

As you will see, self esteem is the value you place on yourself.

Self confidence on the other hand, is the amount of trust you have in yourself to boldy go forward and take the necessary action to achieve what you want.

This is how you prove your own competence and demonstrate to yourself, your level of confidence in your ability to rise to a challenge. The higher your self esteem, the more confident you'll be; the more confident you are, the more you'll aspire to achieve.

In stark contrast to low esteem self - low confidence, when things don't go according to plan, with a healthy self esteem, you'll accept any mistakes you've made (without beating yourself up).

This will be with full realisation of how and what you need to do to change your situation. You're more likely to seek out positive activities and/or interactions that will make you feel good about yourself while at the same time helping you to maintain a positive sense of self and well-being.

You'll not only be confident in your own abilities, you'll feel motivated to set realistic and achievable goals to change your situation for the better. You'll also have a strong, healthy belief that your successes will come about through your own efforts and abilities.

If however, there's more than just the issue of a temporary shift from healthy esteem self to low self esteem, your confidence too will be at an all time low and you'll experience exactly the opposite.

Symptoms of low esteem self/low self confidence

A healthy Self esteem is a very necessary part of everyone's life.

We all need to receive feedback such as praise, encouragement and reward from others but just as importantly, from ourself.

Feedback or recognition can take the form of a simple 'thank you', or well done for example. These little tokens will steadily add up over time, raising your esteem self along the way and building your confidence at the same time.

However, with esteem self low, self confidence is equally affected and you may well find yourself experiencing some or all of the following:

  • With esteem self low, you're reluctant, afraid or hesitatant to take action

  • With esteem self low, you might assume a 'victim' role and/or, blaming yourself or other people for things which are not your own or their fault

  • With esteem self low, you are unable to distinguish between the good results you are getting or accept positively, the acknowledgements you receive - e.g. positive reinforcements such as compliments or praise

  • With esteem self low, you underestimate your abilities and tell yourself you can't

  • With your esteem self low, you expect things to go wrong for you and when they do you reinforce that negative belief about your abilities

  • With esteem self low, you feel unworthy

  • If you're experiencing any of the above it's indication that your esteem self/low self confidence is in need of some steady work to get you back on track.

    low esteem self/low self confidence doesn't have to be a life sentence

    When you're experiencing low esteem self/low self confidence, you'll more than likely have been on the receiving end of some typical comments or responses such as 'you need to buck up your ideas' or 'you need to stay positive', or even, 'look on the bright side'.

    Yet, other people simply cannot begin to comprehend how, and what you're experiencing, let alone empathise with you.

    And while their responses are well meaning and are intended to encourage you, they are empty reassurances because they lack depth and offer no practical solution to resolving your situation.

    If anything, you may well find yourself feeling worse because they are feeding back their observations of you and how you're perceiving yourself; which, will only reinforce any negative views you already hold about yourself any way.

    You might even begin to question your- self - i.e. 'what's wrong with me? 'Why can't I be like everyone else', or 'Why must I always be so..?'

    If you identify with any of the above then it's time to do something about how your're feeling by addressing your low esteem self/low self confidence.

    Where do you start? Start at the beginning. Dont simply rush out and buy the most expensive 'how to' manual on offer, with the promise of being a quick solution to improving your esteem self/low self confidence; that won't work.

    What will work, is you getting to the root cause for your low esteem self/low self confidence, or, what circumstance has led you from a healthy esteem self - low self esteem.

    A woman with a healthy sense of self and self esteem will usually have sufficient resources to bounce back from any crisis. So you'll really need to probe here to learn whether the root cause of your low esteem self/low self confidence is a recent thing or a more long standing issue.

    If for example you identify that your low esteem self/low self confidence is due to negative reinforcements from childhood, - you will at least have made a huge breakthrough, which you can now do something about.

    assessing your level of low esteem/low self confidence

    If you're in any doubt as to whether you've shifted from high esteem self to low esteem, consider this!

    Have you attempted to set some recent health goals, only to find your motivation just ebbed away, or that you simply gave up before you'd even started? Are you aware of the reasons leading to you abandoning your goal?

    See if you can identify honestly, with any of the reasons from the list below. Alternatively, you might well have different reasons for your low esteem self/low self confidence. In any case, get your journal and write down your observations or realities.

  • I gave up because it was too hard
  • I gave up because I knew I could'nt achieve it
  • I didn't give up - it just didn't happen
  • I gave up because I realised it wasn't what I wanted
  • I gave up because my friend/family felt it wasn't right for me
  • I gave up because my 'significant other' didn't like me doing it
  • I gave up because I just didn't have the time
  • I gave up because I was scared to pursue it just in case I didn't achieve it

    The above reasons all point to possible excuses you might have given yourself for not pursuing and finishing what you had planned to do.

    This is for no other reason than this; when you move from healthy esteem self to low self esteem, your insecurities increase. I say this because when you go so far as to (a) identify a goal; b write it down; and c set about achieving it, your actions say your goal was and most probably is, still very important to you.

    Somewhere along the line however, with your esteem self low, you've managed to convince yourself that your goal was wrong.

    In all probability, the goal wasn't wrong and there are two reasons why this might be be so.

    Firstly, the task objectives you set for achieving your goal were inappropriate or ill-suited to you.

    Secondly, your less-than-healthy self esteem negated your self confidence sufficiently for you to doubt your ability to pursue achievement of your goal.

    Needless to say, all the above reasons are irrelevant because had you a healthy self esteem - those reasons would not exist. You simply would not make decisions based purely on the opinions of other people nor, from merely doubting your own ability.

    When you confront with honesty, your reasons for not pursuing your goals, you'll see that they are merely excuses for not making decisions and taking action.

    This clearly signals that with your esteem self low, low self confidence will always get in the way of your achievements.

    Self Help: esteem self/low self confidence and problem solving

    This still leaves the little matter of the cause of low self esteem.

    You cannot avoid challenges or pretend they don't exist. Equally, worrying about them will drain your energy resources, - energy you would otherwise spend on finding solutions to your situation.

    When you identify the cause, event or circumstance you'll be better placed to start building and strengthening your esteem and self.

    Encountering challenges or difficulties and using your personal resources to manage them effectively is fundamental to your sense of self and esteem. Boulster your esteem self/ low self confidence with this Self Esteem activity.

    "Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are" (Malcolm S. Forbes)

    The information on this site is purely of educational value and is not intended to replace your seeking medical advice. You must consult your doctor over all your health concerns.

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